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In a Little Girl's MindThere sits the girl with the things in her eyes
Monsters, destruction, and sweet butterflies
Hopscotch and daisies, surrounded by screams
Beautiful dresses now torn at the seams
Crayons and paintbrushes, villains and grins
Young, gladsome innocence, hatred and sins
Little red houses on roads left to fade
Gorgeous moonlight shining off of the blade
Blood pouring out as she cries her own name
Knowing she's forced to take each bit of blame
She could have stopped it and left it behind
All of these things in her troubled young mind
She could have saved them if she dared to try
Rather, though, she left herself there to die.
Stars made of nightmares and skies made of fears
Hearts made of glass and a home built of tears
Cries made of silence and words made of knives
Dreams of the struggle to simply survive
Souls made of paper and minds made of flames
She is a piece of their loveliest game
No longer can she feel more than disgust
Even a rainbow does turn into dust
How Dare You...How dare you feel betrayed,
By her disclosure of your blade?
You say she's not a true friend,
Yet she'll be there 'til the end.
Can't you see how she cares?
Can't you see the sorrow she bares?
How dare you make her feel bad,
For being the best friend you ever had?
ExistenceBroken, empty promises, a world so dull and dead
Leaving me to suffer as I hang upon this thread
Tears of glass begin to fall, a heartbeat made of stone
I was left to struggle for a worthless, lovely throne
Dreadful, lost emotions, slowly flowing through my veins
Aching thoughts and torture causing fatal bits of pain
Shadows swallow all I was and all I am to be
Slicing off my wings, and now demanding I be free
Poison sneaking through my breaths and deep into my soul
Pieces lost have been replaced to make a damaged whole
Anger rushing through my mind, for me, for them, for this
I have felt emotion for a thought that can't exist
Dear imagination, can't you be the thing you were
Butterflies and daffodils and happiness so pure
Sunny skies and lullabies and dreams of what could be
Hidden worlds and wonderlands of things they couldn't see
Shining gowns and silver crowns for dancing with the prince
Twirling with excitement, though the others weren't convinced
Dear intimidation, did you find it to be true
All I ever needed was an overdose of you
Silly stares and laughter slowly flood a child's mind
Making me abandon every daydream I could find
Lost beneath the shadows of the sky so dark and dead
Far too weak to turn around, yet scared of things ahead
Forget YouWhy can't I forget about you?
It's the hardest thing I've tried to do.
Your eyes, your smile, your laugh,
I've tried to forget them on your behalf.
You know I just can't help myself,
The one to blame is thyself.
For you are truly wonderful,
But to forget you would be beautiful.
Beautiful Enough -Anorexia-Meet a girl named No One, with a heart of shattered stone
Staring at the other girl, the one that's not alone
Girl with skin that glistens, with the eyes of crystal seas
Grin of shining diamonds and a laugh like a disease
Flashes just a glance and soon, she's every trouble's cure
She has everything and No One's off to be like her.
Eating turns into a crime, she'd rather be away
Thrusting fingers down her throat to make herself okay
Watching as her very bones are seen behind her flesh
There she drowns in tears, for she has not yet seen success.
Minutes turn to hours, and these hours turn to days
Every moment slipping, slowly f
ForeverI feel so worthless, without any purpose,
You don't really need me, that's plain to see.
You want me to smile? I will for a while...
But deep inside, I will continue to hide,
This feeling of worthlessness that I just can't address.
When will I feel, really begin to heal?
My fear is never, I'll be like this forever.
Holding hands? A clever way of fighting off the cold
Telling every secret so they don't remain untold
Laughing, though he's said it oh so many times before
Staring deep into his eyes to open rusted doors
Staying up to talk to him, but only for support
Innocent intentions others do tend to distort
Kissing him so gently, promises until the end
Can't destroy this happiness with such a loyal friend
HeartacheI am so tired,
I just don't have the strength,
To run the full length.
I don't have the fight,
To make it all right.
I don't have the power,
For this final hour.
As I look at my pillow,
I'm filled with much sorrow.
As I dream of a sleep,
A sleep that's so deep.
From which I don't wake,
To feel this heartache.
Empty twisted promises within a world so dead
Memories of heartache cradle thoughts inside my head
Wounds continue bleeding on forgotten storybooks
Listen to your nightmares and the happiness they took
Can't you see the shadows with the knives inside their hands?
Watching you as they invade your secret wonderland
Silence won't protect you from the thoughts inside your mind
Nobody can save you from the torture on rewind
I can't see the people, but they're always seeing me
Anywhere and everywhere they never let me be
Sometimes they stand quietly behind my bedroom door
Sometimes it's the microphones they hide under the floor
Out of ClayHeartbeats beating rapidly, the ocean on the shore
Bleeding thoughts of something special, something so much more
Simple dreams and melodies are scattered on the floor
Shutting out the memories by slamming solid doors
Bathing in the light of lost and broken yesterdays
Here I am, a seriously twisted game to play
How could you make us believe that everything’s okay
Forming human beings out of masks and out of clay…
I'm Here, TooWhy do they look at my wrists
And not at my face?
Mommy, why do they look at my arms?
It was a mistake.
Why do they panic
When I tell them I'm sad?
I thought everybody got sad.
Am I a bad girl?
Mommy, am I naughty?
Am I different?
Why don't they listen to me?
I'm not angry at myself.
It was only a mistake.
Mommy tell me something, please.
Why do they try to comfort me
When I cry?
They don't do that to everybody else.
They're just cuts, Mommy.
Why don't they see that?
Why do they look at my wrists, Mommy?
I'm here too.
Every moment, every thought, an echo in your mind
Every treasured lullaby you're forced to leave behind
Every broken moment, every twisted fantasy
Every empty shadow, every lonely melody
Holding knives against your skin with tears inside your eyes
Fighting back the happiness, yet fighting back the cries
How could one be joyous at a moment such as this?
Something could be stopping you, but nothing truly is
Love AgainHear my worries, fear my cries
Dread the whispered lullabies
Drown beneath the spinning skies
Feel the truth you can't deny
Taste the blood upon your tongue
Feel the poison fill your lungs
I am she who lies among
Those who know where things belong
Feel the weapons kiss your skin
Listen to the screeching wind
See my power, watch me win
And never fall in love again
StrengthMirror, mirror, on the wall
Speaking what is right
Tell me, am I beautiful?
Treasured? Lovely? Bright?
Mirror, how I wish to see
Who I shall become
Tell me, can I change the world?
Is my power numb?
Mirror, mirror, speak the truth
After all I've seen
All I need is something strong
On which I can lean.
Mirror, mirror, tell me now
Do I look alive
Lying on the floor in blood
Playing with the knives?
Mirror, mirror, can't you see
I had more to hold
More than treasured necklaces
More than pounds of gold.
Yet, oh Mirror, I have died
Fighting wars within
Thinking I was strong enough
Strong enough to win
HeartbeatsThough these words are dreaded, I feel it is time to say
All the things I never told you since we died away
All the things I liked the most, the things that made you real
These thoughts must be spoken for my broken heart to heal
Sure, I hate the feeling rushing through my broken veins
Every piece of lost emotion, every bit of pain
Even though this emptiness is cradling my soul
All that haunts me now is how I let it take control
All the tears, the madness, how I let it overrule
To my own existence, I myself have been so cruel
Never did I dare to say these words of lonely truth
Even though I know that isolation kills one's youth
ChangeFeel your own heart beating through your aching, bleeding skin
Taste your tears among your lips which pour from deep within
Drown inside the emptiness, the helplessness, the pain
Longing for the downpour of the crystal drops of rain
Hear the children whisper, petrified for them to hear
See them trapped beneath the truth, the hatefulness, the fear
Place the silver gun beside your head and speak your words
For you could not eliminate the wounds, the scars, the hurt
Knowing you were helpless, that you couldn't change their lives
What the point of living when you'll never be alive?
Finishing the RaceStarving children reaching out for mommy's hand to hold
Pretty little princess crying due to ruined gold
Infants losing breaths and toddlers drenched in broken bones
Lady in a shining gown without her silver throne
Parents fearing for their lives as bullets fight the wind
Teenage girl in tears due to a blemish on her skin
See the people dying with a grin upon their face
Since they saw that winning just meant finishing the race
When You NoticeDon't you think it kills me when my hatred murders you?
Don't you think your suffering scars my existence, too?
Don't you think I'm trying to eliminate your fears?
Don't you think this torture has me drowning in my tears?
Don't you see how everything revolves around you now?
Don't you see how I have died so I won't let your down?
Don't you see how it has been a struggle to survive?
Tell me when you notice that I'm no longer alive
How to be AliveLook into my eyes and see the torture, see the pain
See the tears of flames surviving every drop of rain
See the cruel reality that lies upon my skin
Turn your head, deny the truth, ignore my troubled grin
Speak of every trial spinning through your aching mind
Teach me how to be the best, so generous and kind
Make me shatter, make me break, and murder me with knives
After all, how else to teach me how to be alive?
I Miss YouI know this to be honest, I know this to be true,
I truly miss your friendship, I miss time spent with you.
You always made me smile, you never let me down,
You kept me above water, you never let me drown.
You showed me I was worthy, worthy to befriend,
My highest expectations you managed to transcend.
I'm embarrassed to confess, just how much you are missed,
The hole you left in my life, makes it hard to coexist.
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More